Growing Up is Part of the Game

I'm not quite sure what is happening to me.

Not only is my apartment clean (like, clean and picked up enough for company) at all times, I find myself vacuuming multiple times a week. Part of that is due to my cat shedding like CRAZY but also, I just am nuts about my carpet being clean. I feel the urge to immediately put things away once I use them. At one point in my life, I would throw clothes on the floor, leave items on the counter, have piles of paperwork sitting around. Now, I unpack my gym back immediately after getting home. I put groceries right away. I file my paid bills weekly. If I watch a DVD, I put it away right after I finish it, rather than leaving the DVD in the player and the case sitting on the floor. The only thing on the floor right now (other than my furniture, obviously) are my slippers.

Where is this neat-freak attitude coming from? God knows it wasn't there for the first 27 years of my life! What happened at age 28?!

I have also bought (and worn) a bunch of dresses this spring. Basically, whenever I go out with my friends now, I try to look nice and dresses are becoming more normal for me to wear. I even have a pair of heels! (There is a first for everything I guess).

Maybe I am growing up finally? I am proud of what I have accomplished, even though it may not be a lot compared to more successful people. But I have a job, an apartment, a car, good friends, I can support myself as well as my 2 pets (one which is expensive as s&%*), I can afford to do triathlons, at which I seem to do pretty well. It is time to be proud of the things that I have done rather than be hung up on the things that I want to do but haven't been successful at just yet.

I am just in an odd mood tonight. I have been streaming "Friday Night Lights" through Netflix. If you don't know, it's a TV show that ran a few years ago about a high school football team in Texas. I don't really care for football, but the show is good. And tonight, I cried during an episode. Not even cried.. SOBBED. For no reason other than it was a little sad.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?

Keuka Lake Tri Race Report

Pre-race

I got up at 4, showered, dressed, ate, and left at 5. I was wearing my new QT2 kit that I had just gotten in the mail and had yet to wear (classic mistake but it was a nice quality kit so I wasn't worried about trying it out first!). The drive to Penn Yan was uneventful, I just rocked out to my "running" playlist on the way down! While I was picking up my packet in the gym, I got a phone call from my dad (and of course my "You Can Call Me Al" ringtone was echoing all throughout the gym before I could dig it out of my bag to answer it!) saying that my mom didn't feel well and that they weren't going to come. I was disappointed because I haven't seen them in a while, AND they were going to bring the race T-shirt quilt that my cousin made me, and they usually bring the dog too, but it was a crappy day so I'm sure they had more fun at home and not standing in the rain in Penn Yan watching me do yet another race!

Solveig and I pre-race under the red tent

I set up my transition and then brought my bag to set it under Matt K's tent. It was pretty cold so Solveig and I wandered around with our wetsuits half on and coats on top. We watched the intermediate waves go off and then went back to put our stuff away. We were in the same wave which started at 8:30 - an hour after the first swim wave went off for the intermediate race. That's what sucks about the sprint.. standing around in your wetsuit while freezing your ass off for an hour!

I love seeing friends in transition before a race, or milling around the swim start. I am really in my element at a race and I am much more personable and outgoing than in other situations. I just think it's a lot of fun to see everyone!

Swim

The water was a lot warmer than it usually is at Keuka. I would say normally it is high 50s, maybe low 60s, but today it was 67 degrees. So basically, a bath. Our wave got in and only then did I realize how choppy the water was! I positioned myself in the front towards the outside (to avoid the crowd - ever since IMCDA I have been a little freaked out in the pack) and we were off! Once I started swimming, the chop wasn't too bad. I was swimming mid-pack for a while and then started passing girls once we rounded the first buoy. By the time I reached the 2nd buoy, I was catching swimmers from the previous wave and had pretty much settled in by myself - behind the fast ladies but ahead of the pack. That is usually how it goes for me.. I need to figure out how to jump to that next level! I was happy to finish the swim, like always!

15:32 - 11th OA, 2nd AG

T1

I ripped off my cap and goggles, ran up the stairs, got the top half of my wetsuit off, gave a wave to Mary who was announcing, and ran to my spot transition. I had a pretty shitty transition. First race of the year is always rough and I had to put my Garmin on my wrist, and my new Garmin (Gary the vibrating Garmin to be specific) has a wristband that has holes in it - not velcro like my old one, so it took me a few tries to get it on. Everything else was smooth enough I guess.

1:28 - 7th OA, 2nd AG

Bike

I saw Jeremy as I was running through bike out and got mounted and headed out onto the course. Since it was such a short race I started hammering immediately. It was raining by this point but I don't mind riding in the rain, and even though it was chilly, I felt fine in just my tri kit. I am almost never cold in races so I didn't bother with arm warmers or anything - most of the other people I saw out there had the same idea as me. As in all sprint races, it was mostly a man-passing-fest. I like passing men so I had a lot of fun with it. More than halfway down the "out" part of the course, I passed a woman wearing an Erie Triathlon Club outfit that was in my swim wave. I made a hard pass and didn't see here again during the bike leg. I had originally gone into this race to "have fun" but of course that went out the window when I started racing. Especially since I won the stupid race last year, I had it in my head that I could get on the podium again (maybe not in first but at least top 3). So once I passed that chick, I laid down the hammer going down the long descent on 54A. For a while it was fun - I am pretty bold on downhills, but then I started reflecting back on my crash that happened just 2 weeks prior and remembered how unpleasant it was. That combined with the wet course, the debris on the road, the other riders (many who were probably beginners), and the upcoming 180 turnaround at the bottom of the hill, I decided that I was being an idiot so I sat up and slowed down a bit. I made the turn and started back up the hill. Since I am small, I always make a lot of passes going up hills. One guy even commented on how strong I was climbing the hill and I yelled back at him that it was because I only weigh 115 lbs. Sometimes, I don't know why I say the things I say, but it's true anyways.

looking happy in the new QT2 kit!

41:34 - 20.2 mph, 4th OA, 1st AG

T2

I made it back into transition thoroughly soaked and sad that the bike was over. I had a little trouble finding my spot in transition, but got my stuff off easily enough, and grabbed my hat and race number. This transition should be under 1 minute and I just could not get my running sneakers on (they were soaked and  I could NOT figure out how to change my Garmin to "run" using the auto-multisport mode (this is one of those things that I need to learn BEFORE race day) so I had to reset it and just set it to run the regular way. As I was exiting transition and fiddling with my Garmin, Mary yelled to me, and then someone in front of me yelled "ALEXA" and turned to give me a high five. I had no idea who it was - turns out it was my friend Marty haha.

1:17 -  39th OA, 4th AG

Run

My goal for the run was just to run. I have barely run this entire year, I have had runner's knee and now a really sore right leg from the crash. I knew I COULD run 3 miles, just slowly. At least it was raining and not hot. I just tried to keep my head down and my pace as fast as possible. The Erie chick passed me back a little before the mile mark and she was going too fast for me to keep up with. Otherwise, I saw a bunch of Train-This and QT2 teammates out on the course so that was good. Dan Jareke and Rich Clark were watching/cheering and yelled for me too!

it's so pretty!

25:06 - 8:06 min/mile, 20th OA, 4th AG

Finish Time: 1:24:57 - 4th OA, 1st AG

F25-29 Sprint Podium

Matt Kellman in his mullet wig. sexy.

My performance at this race ended up being about 5 minutes slower than last year, where I finished in 1:19:53 and won the race. I will contribute part of it to the race conditions (choppier water and rain/wind on the bike) and part of it to my lack of in-shape-ness (last year I was in peak Ironman condition for the upcoming IMCDA). I still managed to do pretty well in the race - I did not make the podium but I was 4th OA female and won my age group. Prizes were pretty good too - instead of a plaque or a medal that would just get stuck in a drawer, I got a bottle of wine (YES MORE WINE) and a jar of almond butter. Yum! Greg also got on the podium with a win in his age group for the intermediate distance, which qualified him for Age Group Nationals, so congrats to GREG! Score-This always puts on a great race at Keuka!



Afterwards, I went to this ice cream place with Greg, his wife Amanda, his parents, and 2 of his friends that I met that day. Who turns down homemade ice cream? Not this girl!

On my drive home from Penn Yan, my windshield wipers broke and are now stuck halfway up my windshield. So that looks awesome when I am driving around. I have to take my car to the Hyundai dealer tomorrow to have it looked at. Thank god for warranties!

The Ins and Outs

So my Keuka Lake Tri race report is written, but I am waiting on photos before I publish it! In the meantime, I have done a bunch of fun things recently that don't involve triathlon.

me and Jessie in Jim Thorpe

A few weeks ago, I took a weekend trip to the Poconos area to visit one of my best friends in the entire world. Jessie and I were college roommates at Slippery Rock and fellow pre-physical therapy majors, although I am a year older than her. She went on to get her DPT whereas I changed my course of study junior year to straight biology. Even though I hadn't seen her since 2009 when I ran the Philadelphia Marathon (she lives in Philly and came to see me after the race), it really made no difference. We ate some food, hit up some wineries, did some drinking, got pedicures, and in general just had a fun, relaxing weekend. We have vowed to get together at LEAST once a year from now on!

Ari and I got a bottle of wine at Aladdin's

Memorial Day weekend was fun - I had 4 days off. I took Friday off specifically because Chrissie Wellington's book tour was coming to Toronto and I was going to drive up to see her. Yes, I am that obsessed that I will drive over 300 miles and into a different country just to hug Chrissie. I was about 10 minutes outside of Buffalo when I got a bunch of messages saying that Chrissie had canceled her event at GEARS bike shop because she had lost her passport and couldn't fly to Canada. I was not happy. At all. I *may* have cried. Thank god I was told before I crossed into Canada and turned off my cell phone! I turned a sad day into a happier one by going shopping at the Galleria and buying a cute dress at least. I then spent the rest of the weekend drinking. I think.. at least Thursday night, Friday night and Sunday night. And then I got yelled at by Mary so no more wine for me.. for a while. :)

Ari was also drinking water as to stay properly hydrated

This past Friday, I went to see Michael Franti and Spearhead with Steve Winwood at CMAC with Solveig. I like Michael Franti and I am pretty much open to most musical experiences. The problem - we had lawn tickets and it was a 100% chance of rain. We said "screw it" and went anyways, managed to get seats under the cover of the amphitheatre, and had lots of fun! We left early (after Franti but about halfway through Steve Winwood). He was just too mellow with too many saxophone solos and we were both freezing and tired by 10:30 pm. Basically, we are grandmas. It was a good time though. I would love to go to a show and actually be able to lie on the lawn on a blanket and not freeze my ass off!

we were freezing our butts off under a giant umbrella

I am obviously doing well with the "be more social" New Years Resolution that I made! :)

The Trouble With Insomnia

Today, I want to talk about insomnia. It's not a new topic on my blog, but has gotten much worse since I stopped writing regularly, and has probably been the biggest contributing factor to my lack of blog motivation (or really, motivation to do anything at all). It's one of those things that I have felt very alone in dealing with, but once I made it public (on facebook of all places) it became clear to me from peoples' responses that a lot of others struggle with the same problem. I felt ashamed that I couldn't sleep - it is supposed to be a natural human function, just like being hungry or having to use the bathroom. I felt pathetic that I was trying to deal with it using pharmaceuticals. I felt embarrassed that my life was spiraling out of control because I couldn't sleep.


So that being said.. this is my story about insomnia.

I have dealt with insomnia for over a year. As most people know, my job requires me to do shift work (2 weeks of overnights, 1 week of evenings, 2 weeks of day shift). Shift work disorder is very real, and is very difficult to cope with. Mine was very slow in developing. At first, it was just when I was working overnights - sleeping during the day was hard because it was going against my body's natural instinct. I went to my doctor and got a prescription for Ambien, at Mary's suggestion. That worked for a while. Then I developed problems sleeping all the time, be it when I was working days, nights, evenings, weekends, whatever. The Ambien that I had been taking "nightly" lost its effectiveness.

People who don't deal with sleep issues really have no idea how much of a problem it is to live with them. Practically everyone that hears about it has some sort of home remedy that works for them. Trust me - I have tried them all. I have tried warm milk, playing distracting games in my head, journaling before bed, meditating before bed, sleeping pills, booze, the unfortunately combination of sleeping pills & booze (not advisable), getting up and reading or watching TV when unable to sleep, staying up all night to try to sleep better the next night.

Nothing worked.

I hit a really bad spell about 2 months ago when I was working my 2 weeks of day shift. I find that the hardest shift for me to sleep on (surprisingly enough) is when I work days and sleep nights. I usually go to bed between 9 and 10 and get up at 5:15 am. I would go to bed, lie there, toss and turn, and not sleep until my alarm went off. Then I would have to drag myself to work, using coffee as my only means of staying awake. One good thing that did come from this fight with insomnia was the purchase of a Mr. Coffee K-Cup machine!

Anyways, during the 2 weeks that I was working days, I literally could not sleep. At all. The first two nights I didn't sleep but I managed to make it through the following days, but by Wednesday I was dragging. I thought for sure I would sleep Wednesday night but by that point, my anxiety over not sleeping (the thoughts of "oh my god I need to sleep" or "how am I ever going to get through another day of work like this" or "am I ever sleep again" plus much more horrible, disturbing things that I won't speak of here just kept playing on repeat in my mind. Accompanied by bouts of hysterical crying, of course). Come Thursday, I could barely make the drive into work. It was a slow day and my supervisor was out, and I wound up with my head on my desk for half the morning. This did not make me feel good. I am paid to go to work, do a good job, and be reliable. I didn't feel like that employee. I was making mistakes. I was repeating things because I couldn't focus and my hands were shaking. Then I was not being productive at all and sitting at my desk trying to just make it through the day. And then I lost it and started crying in the office. Terrified that someone would see me, I managed to dry my tears, and went to go find covering supervisor (he works closely with my supervisor who was out for the day), saw him, and immediately burst into tears. He asked me what was wrong and I managed to choke out "I can't sleep." He sent me home for the day.

That was the point where I resolved to do something. I refused to live like this. I didn't care how many doctor's appointments, prescription drugs, therapists, WHATEVER, it took.. I was going to sleep again.

So I saw a different doctor. I explained to him what was going on in my head when I was trying to sleep. I asked him if he could just tranquilize me so that I could get at least one night of sleep. He prescribed me Lorazepam (for anxiety) and said that was exactly what he was going to do. That Lorazepam has been a life saver. I take it right before I go to bed, and then I read in bed for 30 minutes or so, and I can actually fall sleep again - it relaxes me enough that my mind doesn't go into overdrive anymore (at least right before bedtime). I also saw a PhD at a sleep clinic. She was able to create a "sleep schedule" for me for each of my three shifts and explain to me the biological reasons as to why I was having the problems.

So I am doing all that I can do for my problems. I still get anxious sometimes and I still have nights where I don't sleep very well, but I feel much more confident about my long term success. I was tired of whining about being tired all the time, and I am so glad that I have been able to address the problem (for the time being). I think being open to absolutely any solution helped me out. As an athlete, sleep is one of THE most important factors in my training. I finally am feeling back to normal, which is good timing because my first race of the season is in 3 days!

Not My Year

Sometimes, it just isn't your year.

This year is not my year.

Thank god I am not registered for an Ironman. Thank god I was able to drop from the Keuka intermediate distance to the sprint this coming Sunday (which I actually think I'll be able to race since I have now officially swam in the lake, biked, AND run since my crash). Thank god that Musselman isn't until July. Maybe I will actually have some fitness by then. THANK GOD Timberman (my expensive race and my focus race of this "season") isn't until August.

Thank god wine is cheap.

Thank god I have lovely friends that like to drink wine with me and understand how frustrated I am.

But maybe I can turn things around. I have won the battle against insomnia. My knee feels ok (for now). My injuries from the crash are finally healing. And ready or not - race season is here, and EVERYONE LOVES RACE SEASON!!!

Crashing is never fun

So.. 2 months later. Here I am. I am hoping to get back into regular blogging. Really hoping!

I have been really struggling this season to get my training done. Between battling with insomnia since the beginning of the year (which I think I have FINALLY figured out) and a knee issue that has been persisting since November, things have not been good. I train when I can, but until a few weeks ago, it was very discouraging and just not my main focus.

Then, I was able to sleep. (I may detail this journey in a different post). Then I started running again. Then I rejoiced! Maybe my season wasn't over! Maybe I could race the Keuka Olympic distance instead of deferring to next year or dropping down to the sprint distance. Maybe I could actually be competitive at Timberman in August! Life wasn't over yet!

Then, on my "long ride" (which was 2 hours) on Saturday, I crashed my bike 10 minutes from finishing up. I saw a pothole too late, tried to swerve out of the way but hit it anyways, lost control, and hit the pavement. I managed to stagger to the side of the road with my bike in tow (after checking the carbon frame for cracks, of course) and crawl onto the sidewalk, where I laid down. My right leg was killing me and I had minor road rash on my left palm and my right elbow. I think I was mostly just in shock. I sat up and tried to formulate a plan: how to get home. I didn't think I could ride the rest of the way home, and I didn't want to walk/hobble (it was probably 2 miles). So I called Kim (crying, obviously), who was the closest person to where I was, and left a voicemail. While I was waiting for her to call me back, I was trying to figure out who else to call, and then 2 cyclists stopped to help me. They were nice - they got me ice for my leg (which had immediately started to bruise and swell up) and offered to drive me home, and then Kim called me back and said she was on her way. She showed up 10 minutes later, drove me and my bike home, and helped me get it inside, where I then showered off the blood and started icing my leg.

Then I checked out my bike more closely and saw that my right aerobar was broken, so not wanting to waste time, I ran it to the bike shop so that I could get a replacement part ordered ASAP.

I had to take Sunday and Monday off from workouts. I couldn't run (I could barely put weight on my leg) and I didn't want to swim because I didn't want to get nasty pool water into my open road rash on my palm (which has turned out to be the worst of my few injuries). On Tuesday, I was climbing the walls at home so I got on my trainer and spun for 45 mins. That was the rest of my week.. 50 minute spins on my broken bike on the trainer. It went to the shop to get fixed on Friday and now I have it back!

It stinks that I am dealing with yet another setback, but honestly, I am SO thankful that I am not *really* hurt. People crash their bikes and they break their collarbones, pelvises, get hit by cars, or die. I have a hematoma on my leg and brush burn on my palm. No car ran over me while I was lying in the road, tangled in my bike. I didn't have to be picked up by an ambulance. I didn't even have to go see a doctor. So while I might be annoyed that I don't know what I am going to do about my race that is 1 week from tomorrow, I really am lucky.

About that race.. I have dropped from the Intermediate distance to the Sprint distance, but it's not going to be pretty. What's even more unfortunate is that I won this race last year. So it's going to be hard to go from winning by a 9 minute margin in 2011 to sucking in 2012. But.. I wouldn't miss Keuka Lake Tri for the world!

Update: bullet style!

So a quick update. I know I haven't been blogging. This has been my life: eat, sleep, work, train, read Game of Thrones, repeat, repeat, repeat.

I'm going to do this bulletpoint style due to sheer laziness.

• If you somehow have not heard of the Eggers vs. Armstrong (as in, LANCE ARMSTRONG) 50 yd kickoff set for next month (at UB) with all proceeds going to charity, you must live under a rock. So go to Mary's blog to see the post that started it all, that thanks to social media, was retweeted enough for Lance to actually see it and respond to it via twitter. It is really happening. Details on the event, donations, etc. will be available soon!

• I am running Johnny's Runnin' O' the Green this coming Saturday, on St. Paddy's Day! It's my first race since the Run for the Diamonds which is where I hurt my knee to begin with! I have been instructed not to really race it - I'm just doing it because it's a Rochester tradition and I love the long-sleeved cotton race shirt that comes in the packet. So it will be a nice easy going race for me with no PR attempts or other nonsense. Then, maybe a green beer afterwards!

• I am obsessed.. OBSESSED with Game of Thrones. I am on the 2nd book (Clash of Kings) and I bought Season 1 of the show (airs on HBO) the day it was released, and it was spectacular. The first book was a little hard to get into.. there is almost no back story and there are a TON of characters, so it took me almost the entire first book to get everyone straight, but the TV show is able to do this without a problem, and probably even strengthened my understanding of what is going on the book. Highly, highly recommended!

• I have been playing with makeup this year (goal of 2012 - be a grownup/real girl) and I am definitely getting better at it. I am figuring out the products I like and what works for me (eye/hair color, skin tone, and my style which is definitely subtle). I went to a party on Saturday night and several of my friends didn't even recognize me. This is what happens when you normally see your friends and you are a) wearing a swimsuit, b) hair is in a ponytail, c) are sweating, or d) all of the above. I think that was the first time Mary has ever seen me in real pants or with my hair washed! YIKES.

• I am going to try to write more. I know. Try is the operative word here. I do keep up with my google reader and try to comment every once in a while!