On September 11, two athletes, Alexa Harding and Mark Olivieri, will go head to head at two separate Ironman events. Alexa at Ironman Wisconsin vs. Mark at REV3 Cedar Point. High stakes have been wagered on the outcome of this contest.
These two athletes have some similarities. Both have been doing triathlons for about the same amount of time (less than 5 years). Both are loud and love to talk. Both dislike clothes (Mark has rarely been sighted with a shirt on and Alexa hates pants). Both love it when people look at their abs and therefore have slightly inflated egos. (Mark's is bigger - his ego, NOT his abs).
In an attempt to create some controversy for this contest, I have made a list of criteria that will determine the odds for these two athletes. There are 8 categories in which the contestants will be evaluated. This assessment is not at all biased and was NOT written by one of the athletes who is participating in this contest. TOTALLY UNBIASED, PEOPLE!
Alexa: XX chromosomes
Mark: XY chromosomes
Advantage: Mark. No matter how fast Chrissie Wellington may be (or how much of a freak of nature she is), she will always be beaten by her male counterparts: Macca, Chris Lieto, the Raelerts, etc.
Alexa: Mary Eggers
Mark: Mary Eggers
Advantage: Neither. It's a tie.
Alexa: 2008 Cervelo P2C, Zipp 404s
Mark: 2011 Kestral, Zipp 808s
Advantage: Mark. Newer bike, faster wheels, 'nuff said.
Alexa: works 41 hours a week, rotates through days, evenings, nights, is single and lives alone.
Mark: college professor (tenure-track) with summers off, has a wife and 5 young children.
Advantage: Alexa. Five kids is insane.
Alexa: reasonably emotionally unstable in most aspects of her life, somehow manages to pull it together for race day (except during IMLP where she cried on the run).
Mark: he's a man. men don't have a soul, do they?
Advantage: Mark. Reason? He doesn't menstruate. Game over.
Mark: 1 Ironman, unknown # of other races.
Alexa: 2 Ironmans, 3 HIMs, and Alexa continues to kick Mark's ass in races at all distances (running races, IM, half-IM, Olympic distance tris, etc).
Advantage: Alexa. Proven to be faster (sorry Mark!).
Alexa: has never even BEEN to Wisconsin.
Mark: returning to REV3 Cedar Point which he raced last year.
The Badass Factor
Alexa: has an attitude, 4 tattoos, curses like a sailor, has totaled 2 cars in less than 10 years.
Mark: watches Twilight with his wife, has to talk to his kids about "the birds and the bees," plays the piano, has crashed his bike going 40 mph.
Advantage: Alexa. Clearly. Would have been an even easier win if Mark hadn't crashed his bike.
Now I don't actually know how to calculate odds, but PLEASE leave a comment and let me know who you are rooting for! The fun part of this is - we are not racing at the same venue, so we will have NO IDEA who wins until we are finished and can check in with Mary!
*Disclaimer: I can do this to Mark because we are buddies and he knows I am teasing him. Also, he dishes it out just as bad!