Thursday, June 26, 2014

if you're going through hell..

I'm not going to lie.. I have had a really challenging week. I feel pretty terrible complaining about my first world problems when I know that millions of people have real problems. But I think all feelings are valid so it's ok to be upset/overwhelmed/whatever you feel no matter the reason.

First and foremost, my mom's memorial service is on Sunday. Because we never did a viewing, funeral, or burial after she passed away, I feel like I haven't gotten any closure. Even though I want that closure, I am also dreading it. It's like.. by having this memorial, I have to actually acknowledge that it happened. I have kind of been living in limbo for the past 5 months where I either avoid thinking about it completely, or think about it and break down crying (usually at a really inappropriate time). So with that giant emotional event looming, I have been pretty up and down this week. I had to write a eulogy which I have to give on Sunday. Writing that was no picnic either. I've known about it for months but every time I would think about what to say, I would cry. This week I knew I was running out of time so I had to suck it up and write it. I'm pretty pleased with what I came up with but I know the whole experience is probably going to be awful. Luckily there will be tons of family there and I even have a few wonderful friends from Rochester who are making the 2 hour drive to Addison, NY to be with me. It means a lot to me.

On top of that, I have just had a lot of schoolwork this week. I had a quiz yesterday that I've been trying to study for plus a homework assignment due today. I spent 5 hours with Trisha at the lab at RIT on Saturday working on our homework assignment, then several more hours there on Tuesday evening (after we ran 6 miles) preparing for the quiz, and then took the quiz last night and finished up the homework. I didn't get home until after 9:30 pm both nights. For someone who really needs "me time" to relax, it's been a rough few days and I haven't been able to sleep. I like to stay busy but I think it's been a little *too* busy this week!

I am off work tomorrow so I can do some Alexa things in the morning, but then I have to head home to PA later in the day. I also have to make sure I get my runs in over the weekend. I found a friend who is going to run 14 miles with me on Saturday morning. I haven't seen this friend in a few years so I am looking forward to it!

When weeks like this happen.. I just have to put my head down and plow through it the best I can, aided with coffee and friends! A friend brought pizza over at 10 pm last night because I hadn't even eaten dinner (he hadn't either). Otherwise, my dinner would have been Ritz crackers and peanut butter. I stayed up too late but I think it was needed.

After this weekend, maybe I can wipe the slate and start fresh.

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