boiling point

I am starting to get discouraged. Sunday and beyond I have had several craptastic workouts. Today I stunk it up really bad at my swim test; I almost gave up after the first 400 yd time trial. I swam as hard as I could and I was sure that it would be faster than last time, and it was 7 seconds slower. I forced myself to do the 2nd one which was even slower than the first, and then I cried in the shower because I was so disappointed in myself.

This Ironman is my entire life right now. All of my friends are teammates or other triathletes with the exception of maybe 2 people (at least my local friends). I don't have a boyfriend. My family is 3 hours away. I have no escape from it.

I want to get away from it for a day. I want to not think about stupid Ironman for ONE DAY. I would like to actually look nice and not like someone dragged me behind a bus. I would like to not smell like chlorine, sunscreen, sweat, Gatorade, or some horrible combination of them. I would like to eat real food and drink a margarita!!!

What do normal 26 year old girls do anyways? I don't even know!

Is it possible to hate something and love something at the same time? I hate that this is making me certifiably insane but I cannot imagine not doing it. Sometimes I just think I need a break. And not a break where I collapse on my couch for a day because I'm too tired to move. I need a vacation. I need to go somewhere where I don't have to see my bike, just for a little while.

I wanted to go to Peru this spring and hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. Of course I didn't do it because no one wants to do stuff like that with me. Training camp in Lake Placid is the closest thing I'm going to get to a vacation this year (along with my other 2 trips to the ADKs for races). Howabout a vacation sans tri bike? Or a vacation period!!!!!