Hello, my name is Alexa, and I make bad decisions. For example. I ran for an hour on Sunday. Running for an hour totally messed up my hamstring that WAS getting better. Would I have done this if I was left to my own devices? No. But when someone asked me to run, I went. I am blaming no one but myself. I could have said "no I can't run because I am trying to fix this problem" OR "yes I can run but only for 20 mins." But I suppressed these thoughts and ran anyway, hoping the run wouldn't do any real harm. I rarely run with anyone else so I was excited for the opportunity to have company. Halfway through the run when my quads were burning, my hamstring felt tight, and my heart rate hit 181 (not kidding) I knew that I had made a stupid decision.
Stupid, stupid girl.
I have not been writing much as of late. Mainly because I am still not doing much, I am depressed that I am not running, and I'm worried that I am not going to get my running fitness back to where it needs to be for next year. I am also kind of emotional and while it helps me to write things down, the entirety of the internet does not need to read about my angst. I have a whole bunch of unpublished blog posts written that serve as a catharsis without letting too much of my personal life out on the internet.
I am entirely too sensitive. I wish I had the ability to let things roll off me without affecting me. Instead, I take everything personally, I CONSTANTLY over-analyze situations, and I get myself worked up - usually over nothing.
Working out is my outlet, however since that is not going so well at the moment, I need an outlet for my outlet.
Work has not been going well for me this week either. I am on a week of overnights, which I hate, but normally I can cope with them ok. This week is different. Monday and Tuesday I experienced what I can only describe as severe anxiety after waking up in the afternoon and thinking about having to go to work all night. Monday I dealt with it by crying, skipping my workout, and immediately going back to bed for 4 more hours before work. Yesterday I cried, forced myself to do my workout, watched Glee, and then went into work. Every day this week I have been nauseous and the smell of food disgusts me, which has led to barely eating anything. Because of this, I have dropped a few pounds. Now while I am thrilled at any weight loss, losing weight due to being so stressed out and nerve wracked that I can't physically eat is not my ideal way to do it. I will take sanity and a couple extra lbs of chub ANY DAY!
I shall probably regain all of that weight back on Friday as I binge eat candy in the movie theatre when I go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I!!!
At least there is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.