Thursday, November 18, 2010

bad decisions, bad week

Hello, my name is Alexa, and I make bad decisions. For example. I ran for an hour on Sunday. Running for an hour totally messed up my hamstring that WAS getting better. Would I have done this if I was left to my own devices? No. But when someone asked me to run, I went. I am blaming no one but myself. I could have said "no I can't run because I am trying to fix this problem" OR "yes I can run but only for 20 mins." But I suppressed these thoughts and ran anyway, hoping the run wouldn't do any real harm. I rarely run with anyone else so I was excited for the opportunity to have company. Halfway through the run when my quads were burning, my hamstring felt tight, and my heart rate hit 181 (not kidding) I knew that I had made a stupid decision.

Stupid, stupid girl.

I have not been writing much as of late. Mainly because I am still not doing much, I am depressed that I am not running, and I'm worried that I am not going to get my running fitness back to where it needs to be for next year. I am also kind of emotional and while it helps me to write things down, the entirety of the internet does not need to read about my angst. I have a whole bunch of unpublished blog posts written that serve as a catharsis without letting too much of my personal life out on the internet.

I am entirely too sensitive. I wish I had the ability to let things roll off me without affecting me. Instead, I take everything personally, I CONSTANTLY over-analyze situations, and I get myself worked up - usually over nothing.

Working out is my outlet, however since that is not going so well at the moment, I need an outlet for my outlet.

Work has not been going well for me this week either. I am on a week of overnights, which I hate, but normally I can cope with them ok. This week is different. Monday and Tuesday I experienced what I can only describe as severe anxiety after waking up in the afternoon and thinking about having to go to work all night. Monday I dealt with it by crying, skipping my workout, and immediately going back to bed for 4 more hours before work. Yesterday I cried, forced myself to do my workout, watched Glee, and then went into work. Every day this week I have been nauseous and the smell of food disgusts me, which has led to barely eating anything. Because of this, I have dropped a few pounds. Now while I am thrilled at any weight loss, losing weight due to being so stressed out and nerve wracked that I can't physically eat is not my ideal way to do it. I will take sanity and a couple extra lbs of chub ANY DAY!

I shall probably regain all of that weight back on Friday as I binge eat candy in the movie theatre when I go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I!!!

At least there is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.


  1. Bummer about the hammie. I understand how hard it can be and how depressing it is when you can't run - I had a calf issue earlier this year that crushed me, I swear. But it got better when I finally gave it a break (after I ran a marathon on it and couldn't figure out why it wasn't getting better). I took a month off from running, it sucked.

    But really, this is the time to deal with this, not May. Can you bike? Swim? Do what you can to keep your cardio up, and your run will be fine. But try to let that heal, I know it sucks, it is frustrating, and it takes forever! But like I said, now is the time to deal with it so this doesn't haunt you and you can have a solid season next year.

    Feel better!

  2. Honestly - I think there is something about this time of year that kinda sucks for triathletes. Especially those of us taht live in snowy dark cold places like MN or NY. I cry more this time of year than I ever do! We're used to not wearing clotehs, spending a good part of our days outside and the dark and cold just doesn't go along with that. Get that hammy taken care of!

  3. I agree with what Mandy wrote -- as much as it sucks, it's better to deal with the injury now than in the spring. I had to take 6 weeks off from running last winter because of a pesky shin splint and it suuuuuuuuuuucked... and when I started running again, I was really frustrated with my slow times. But - the fitness comes back, and in the end you will be stronger and healthier... try to keep that in perspective :)

    And I agree with Betsy about the crying thing at this time of year. I blame it on the cold weather and lack of daylight. I've had two mini-breakdowns this week over essentially nothing (well, nothing that should get me that upset, anyway).

    Hope you feel better... it's almost the weekend :)

  4. There is no crying in triathlon.

    Prepare yourself to eat a tub full of popcorn. That's all you need to think about from now until tomorrow night.

  5. Aww..Alexa! I hope you get better soon!!!

  6. Injuries suck. I was sidelined with knee issues a couple years ago. As much as I wanted to run, I made myself take nearly 3 months off. After that, I slowly worked my way back into it. It wasn't easy at first, but I was surprised at how quickly my level of running returned.

    Keep up the swimming and biking, give the hamstring a rest from running and you will be ready to come out swinging at the beginning of next season.

  7. I completely understand this one, too. I hate off season!!! I hope you can get over your hammie :-( Do you water run at all? The DFC pool is excellent for it cause its so warm!


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